Complete script of THE NUPTIALS by Pierre FILMON

MILLE ET UNE PRODUCTIONS
presents

THE NUPTIALS

Lady in red:     « And so, the rebellious Schooner, seeks the storm, as if the storm would bring rest” »... Give me a storm!

Sailor:              Tonight there will be plenty of speeches and toasts. So let's start straight away. Let's drink to the health of the Newly-Weds... …Long live the Newly-Weds!

All:                  HURRAY!

Bride: (to her mother)
Why are you crying ? I am so happy…...

Bridegroom:    Mother is probably wary of the impending separation...… But I would advise her to keep our recent conversation in mind…...

Yat:                 I must say, Nastassia Timofeivna, I have always wished from the bottom of my heart that Dachenka would find a decent fiancé...… today everyone thinks of marrying only for money, for the Dowry in fact…...

Bridegroom:    What are you insinuating?

Yat:                 …... nothing, nothing at all. Come on, everyone knows that for you it is love that counts, the Dowry is insignificant…...

Mother:           In addition to three fur-lined coats, and the bed linen, and all the furniture, we are giving our daughter one hundred silver roubles! See if you can find such a Dowry anywhere else!

Yat:                 But…... I didn't say a word, the furniture is wonderful, and of course, the Dowry...… no need to be so touchy because you think I hinted at…...

Mother:           Well, don't hint. If we have respect for you, it is because of your parents... we invited you to the wedding and then words, words, words... if you knew that Alexeï Maximovitch was marrying for the money, why didn't you say so before?

Bridegroom:    Do you believe him? Well thank you very much. And as for you, Mr. Yat, although we may be well acquainted, I will not allow you to create trouble...… you are not in your own house here...… I only wish you were as honest as I am…...

Yat:                 Wh... What?

Bridegroom:    In a word - would you kindly leave.

Sailor:              Please calm down. Is it really worth it?

Yat:                 But…... I...… I didn't...… I don't understand anything...… I can leave if you wish me to…...

Sailor:              Sit down, it's enough now.

Yat:                 Of course, when people are drinking, these things happen!…...

Sailor:              Enough...… let's drink to the health of the Bride's Mother - To Nastassia Timofeivna!

All:                  HURRAY!

 

Andreievitch:   Wait, wait, my friends, don't eat, not just yet... …come Nastassia Timofeivna, I have something to tell you...… listen, the Vice Admiral is coming... …I finally hunted one down, I am exhausted...… a Vice Admiral, a pillar of society. A really serious man in his eighties or nineties…...

Mother:           What time is he coming?

Andreievitch:   Any minute now... …you will be grateful to me for the rest of your life, Ah! And what a Vice Admiral, a Vice Admiral of the Fleet, a Great Navigator, with the rank of Captain, or is it Commander...… well anyway it's at least the same as being a General in the Infantry, you know…...

Mother:           You are sure you are not cheating me, my dear little Andrei Maximovitch?

Andreievitch:   Who do you think I am? A swindler? Come, don't worry.

Mother:           It's only that I would hate spending my money for nothing, my little Andreievitch…...

Andreievitch:   Don't you worry...… Stop, Musicians, Stop!...… (to all) “You have forgotten us, Your Excellency”, I said to him, “Nastassia Timofeievna has a big grudge against you”… ... He says “Listen my friend, how can I go there, I don't even know the bridegroom” . “Oh, come on, Your Excellency, why such a fuss?” I said - “the bridegroom is the cream of men, generosity itself”… ... so then he patted me on the shoulder and we smoked a Havana cigar...… and here we are, HE IS COMING!

Bridegroom:    Right, and exactly when will he be coming?

Andreievitch:   In one minute, straight away, he will arrive!

Bridegroom:    Well then, we should play a march, shouldn't we?

Andreievitch:   Ah yes of course, a march...… Hey you, Musicians, play a march!

Waiter:            Mr. Revounov-Karaoulov.

 

Mother:           Welcome to you, Your Excellency, we are delighted…...

Vice Admiral:   …... yes yes absolutely delighted.

Father:             We are humble people, Your Excellency, simple people, without evil thoughts. In our house, we play host to people of quality and we do our best for them...… A warm welcome, Your Excellency…...

Vice Admiral:   …... yes yes, absolutely delighted.

Andreievitch:   Let me introduce everyone, Your Excellency. Here is Alexeï Maximovitch Aplombov, the new husband, with his wife-to-be, well, no, his already-wife, the young bride…... Ivan Mikhaïlovitch Yat, of the famous Yat family...… Kharlampi Spiridonitch Dymba, a specialist in the Art of Pastry, a foreigner of Turkish origin…...

Dymba:           No, Egyptian, Egyptian…...

Andreievitch:   And so on…...

Mother:           Take a seat, Your Excellency, so good of you to take the trouble…...

Andreievitch:   (to the sailor) To rest, to rest...

Mother:           Please eat something, your Excellency. You must forgive us, you are probably used to fine delicate meals and here it is plain…...

Vice Admiral:   I beg your pardon?

Mother:           It is very plain!

Vice Admiral:   …... yes, yes, of course...… This morning, « Antripovitch » came to invite me to the wedding...… why should I go, I don't know them...… and he says...… they welcome anyone with great pleasure...… well, of course, if such is the case, why not?

Father:             It all comes from the heart, Your Excellency. Please do eat something, Your Excellency.

Vice Admiral:   …... yes, yes, but then we should drink to the Newly-Weds, don't you think?

Sailor:              Long live the young bride!...… Hurray!

Vice Admiral:   Fancy that. You are a sailor, aren't you?

Sailor:              At your service, Sir.

Vice Admiral:   “Topmen, to the sheets of flying jibs and staysails... don't you worry, sailors understand, don't they?... Subtle, like mathematics!

Andreievitch:   A toast to his Excellency Fedor Yakovlevitch Revounov Karaoulov…...

All:                  HURRAY!

Vice Admiral:   Topmen, to the riggings of the mizzen and the royal, and while the spars are being lowered, they are hoisting the riggings of the spanker and the royal, they are hauling on the halyards down below...… yes, orders, there are all sorts of orders…... like hoist the riggings of the mizzen and the royal, release the halyards.... It sounds nice, but what does it mean exactly?...

Waiter:            Ladies and Gentlemen!

Vice Admiral:   It’s very simple... They hold tight the riggings of the mizzen and the royal, and, as I already told you, they hoist the riggings of the spanker and the royal... and the spars are turning to the wind…...

Andreievitch:   Fedor Yakovlevitch, the hostess is begging you to speak of something else, the guests don't understand what you are saying and they are getting bored…...

Vice AdmiralWhat? Who's getting bored?... sometimes you can't help crying out Well done, boys!

Andreievitch:   Fedor Yakovlevitch! Please stop and have something to eat.

Dymba:           Here we are together to celebrate dear Alexeï…...

Vice AdmiralYes, and you know that all this, you've got to bear in mind... Release the guys of fore, release the mizzen... Let fly the bracings... Ah yes, I relive the past, it is very pleasant, young man…...

Father:             Good grief, if he goes on like that, no one will be able to make a real speech!

Vice AdmiralAs you sail out in the open sea, you have no care in the world…... remember the enthusiasm of the men once the order "Go about!" has rung, it's like an electric shock. All are ready, all the eyes watch the Captain…. Brace the spanker to sideboard, brace the fore to starboard. Execution. Sheet the flying jib, bring the helm to port. The ship follows the wind, "brace in, hurry up"… The Captain's eyes are glued to the royal. And when the sail starts flapping, the Captain cries out, Release the flying jib, release the spanker... the tacking has been completed…...

Mother:           A Vice Admiral who makes such a scandal! At your age, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Vice Admiral:   …... er...… no no, not yet, thank you…...

Mother:           I said that a man of your age should be ashamed. A Vice Admiral who makes a scandal!

Vice Admiral:   I...… I am not a Vice Admiral. I am a Lieutenant Commander and that, according to the chart of military ranking, corresponds to a major…...

Mother:           If you are not a Vice Admiral, then why did you take the money?

Vice Admiral:   What money?

Mother:           As if you didn't know! You did get a 25 rouble note from Andreï Andreievitch,didn't you? And what about you, my little Andreï Andreievitch, it is not very nice of you , no one has asked you to rent such an individual!…...

Andreievitch:   Come on, forget about it! What does it matter?

Vice Admiral:   Renting an individual?... Paying?…... What is the meaning of all this?

Father:             Excuse me! Didn't you receive 25 roubles from AndreÏ Andreievitch?

Vice Admiral:   What 25 roubles???...… ah so that's it, now I understand everything…... How disgraceful, how vile!…

Father:             Didn't you get any money?

Vice Admiral:   Not a penny, just leave me now! How disgraceful, how vile! How dare you abuse a man of my age, a sailor, a seasoned officer...… if only you were honorable people, I could challenge one of you to duel...… but it is out of the question. Waiter, where is the exit? How does one get out of here? How disgraceful, how vile!

 

Mother:           My little Andreï Andreievitch...… I wonder…... what happened to the 25 roubles?

Andreievitch:   Ah come on! why talk about such trifles? Everyone is enjoying themselves around  us. You are the only one to bother about some stupid little things! Come on - a toast to the Newly-Weds! And you! Musicians! Go! Play! A march or a dance, to the health of the young couple.

THE END

Adapted from The Wedding
A one act play by Anton Chekov
English translation by Catherine Fay.